Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
