none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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