how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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