Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
