Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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