So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
