I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
