Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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