I am in a vortex of obligation.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
