Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
