You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
