So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
there is glitter all over my balls
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
