he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
