Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
