just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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