Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
