Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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