So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
