I have demons in me.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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