Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
