I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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