If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
