Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
