oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
