Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
how does that bad decision feel?
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