Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
