He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize