I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
