we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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