Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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