I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
