as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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