the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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