if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
