I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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