better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
