so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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