Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just threw up on my dentist
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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