hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I accidentally burped into my bong.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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