well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
