Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
