He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
