quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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