I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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