my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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