the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
