drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
