they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
