I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
