so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
