College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
