The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
