Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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