i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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