; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
