There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
