I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
