i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
