So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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