Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
