I'm really into asian looking animals
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
