I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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