Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
