Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
