you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
