WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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