So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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