Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize