p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
