Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She's JV to your varsity
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
