He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
