I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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