Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
