I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
