FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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