the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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