Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
