I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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