He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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