thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We need to rekindle our bromance
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize