I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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